“And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7
Mid-April is a tough time of year for me.
Not only is it the slump I have always felt at the end of ski season, but, since 2016, mid-April has marked an interval of deep personal tragedy in which every facet of my life blew apart into a thousand scattered shards. A demarcation of “my life before” and “my life after.”
My body keeps the score even if my brain (seems) to have moved past it: For the past seven years, I can feel the heavy oppression settle on me even before I look at the calendar. I feel unsettled and uneasy, incapable of getting comfortable. “Ah yes!” I exclaim as I notice the date, “It’s that time again.”
It has been 7 years since the events that blew me apart. In that time, I have lost everything, but gained salvation. I am a new creature in Christ. So, why is it that I don’t feel “7 years better”? Surely, I should be further past the pain and suffering I felt back then, right? It has been 7 years of worship, prayer, praise, reflection, serving, therapy, self-care, rest and pastoral care. No stone has been left unturned to participate in my healing, Yet, when these days roll around, I am reminded that the scars remain.
Honestly, I do not understand why God has not made me “7 years better.” The Bible is filled with all sorts of examples of this kind of suffering. These stories are not telling us that we will always be healed, but rather, what it looks like to reach out to Jesus in times of pain and heartache, isolation and loneliness, in order to receive the gift of truth: You are beloved and known intimately by your Creator.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the woman with the issue of blood. Like her, these days I feel exhausted, depleted, isolated and alone in a suffering that puts me out of step with society. But, also like her, I believe that just one touch of His garment will heal me. My faith helps me stand in His promise that I will someday, in His timing, be MORE than “7 years better.” I will be completely healed.
If, like me, you are walking through a tough and painful season, don’t give up! Keep reaching for the hem of his garment. You are so close! Reach out and touch the robe of Jesus today and ask for the reminder, the grace, and the knowing that comes only from Him.
Challenge
- Think of a time when you felt like you were at your end. Think of that space and ask God to show you where Jesus was in that space.
- Are “healed” and “cured” the same thing? How are they the same? How are they not the same?
- What do you hear the Holy Spirit saying to you/your family/your church/your community around the issues of healing?
- What can you do today to reach out to someone who is struggling and participate in their healing?
By Donna Devlin|Bethlehem, NH